I was rambling off instructions about the boys, their nap schedules, what to feed them, where the diapers were and in between breaths profusely apologizing for my crazy house and ongoing works in progress, when my young friend and babysitter for the day said, "You are just organized chaos. You always have projects."
I smirked to myself, "I am a project," hoped in the car and took the drive into work to contemplate just where I was at.
It's been a few days and I'm still thinking. Maybe I should stop describing myself as a mess. Sometimes I feel like my soul will not have rest until I find that elusive sense of order I am chasing. But I'm beginning to think that maybe I wasn't meant to live a life quite as orderly as I always imagined. Maybe that's why I'm such a mess. Trying to give order to something that I should just let grow organically? Rely a little less on how I think things should go and just go with it?
I constantly start a thought, begin to do something and then another thought comes and I shift focus to chase that one. Really, I'm starting to think I need to remove the skill of multitasking from the list of requirements in a good job applicant. Where does multitasking really get you? Focus and discipline seem to always get you further.
As you can tell, I haven't really arrived anywhere yet on all my thoughts. I don't think there will be a destination for quite some time, just a nice lovely drive in the country to mule things around.
One thing I know: all my thoughts, plans and projects are good ones. It's the order of it all...and as usual the editing that I have issues with. In life and in work, I need a good editor.
2 comments:
The truth is that I think MOST people are like this. I know I feel like my head is spinning and I have so many things I would like to do that I never get around to doing, but in the mean time I start something and then kinda decide I'll go ahead and start something else instead of finishing what I'm doing. I don't know for sure, but I think it's called "life" :) You're great though! You do have some wonderful ideas if I do say so myself! :)
You are doing AWESOME Barb! Life is definitely one crazy balancing act. Make sure that you are giving yourself enough cudos.
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