The New Normal

I'm recording this one for posterity.

Today marks the beginning of week #4 of back at work with two little ones and a husband who is starting his own business. At the end of last week I admit the question running through my head was "where's the joy"?

I was tired.
And my pants still didn't fit.

The treadmill of my days seem to run together and by the morning of work day 4, I was done.
Cole was crying, "I don't want to go to April's, I wanna stay home with you. " and no amount of reasoning was moving him. He just didn't want to go...and the baby was crying...

So, for the first time since day 1, I was ready to join him. I had been really quite proud of myself (pride comes before the fall, right?). I hadn't lost it at the baby sitter's, I hadn't had to use my emergency makeup kit after a good cry in the car...I was holding it together, even if I kept repeating my silent mantra "I can do this."

So, on work day 4 of work week 3, I gave in.
I cried when my co-worker said hello.
And the river started.
It eventually stopped
and I realized, yet again...
that I WAS making it.

The words I heard on Sunday (while nursing in the mother's lounge and listening to the single's ward sacrament meeting - BTW, I am starting to feel like a member of the singles ward now...but I still can't put a face to a voice yet.) to "do your best and forget the rest" were right on. (Such wise counsel from a father to his children while waiting for the bus with them on the first day of every school year).

So, that's what I'm doing. I'm doing what I can and leaving the rest.

(Even if I did hit Cole in the head with my pump on the way out the door and forget to bring breast milk for the baby this morning).

(Oh, and can I say...thank goodness for the travel sized deodorant in my desk at work. That palm-sized puppy has saved me many a morning).